Life on the Learning Curve
High school graduation. Memorial Day weekend I witnessed just one of many. 100 or so bundles of potential ready to spring into action to make their difference in the world. I was struck by the young, vibrant, vital, hope that sat squirming in the chairs in front of me. One of the young speakers said, “Let your dreams take you to the corners of your smile.” I was glad I had a pen near by.
Transitions – The Path to Authenticity
Graduations happen. Many times throughout our lives we will move from an ending - through a transition period of re-arranging and redesigning - to a new beginning. The movement back and forth, from ending to new beginning, propels us forward much as the tail of a fish swishing back and forth propels it along the riverbed. Each time, we are propelled toward a more authentic version of ourselves: spirituality tends to deepen, previously ignored or denied aspects of our personality come forward to be included, we expand our emotional range, and get better at defining ourselves and keeping our boundaries.
Examples in nature abound. The snake sheds old skin, the hermit crab outgrows his house and must seek another that fits the larger version of himself, the caterpillar retires to a cocoon and comes out wholly transformed, plants go dormant for a season to return again with a new surge of energy to flower and fruit. All of these are graduations. A step-wise process of becoming more. The in-between is a vulnerable time. The hermit crab isn’t all that thrilled to be scurrying around naked while looking for new housing.
Planned Transitions
A planned ‘graduation’ such as a job change, starting a family, a move, or a high school/college graduation starts out with great enthusiasm and hope. But stepping into the reality of what it takes to live out those changes can leave us feeling absolutely inept and completely off guard. “This isn’t what I signed up for.” Even if you understand the process of transition, living it out is disconcerting.
Life in the Neutral Zone
The space between the ending and the new beginning is called the Neutral Zone. To use a Star Trek analogy, the Neutral Zone is the place of dematerialization. Everything must be moved from its current location, transformed, and re-materialized in the new. As each piece is dematerialized it is examined, tossed or kept, improved, reconfigured, reassessed, redesigned, realigned, and reformatted before it can be rematerialized in some semblance of a new life on the other side. Re Re Re. Yes, in transition life is re-done.
Transformation isn’t easy. But it is sooo worth it! Once we realize that we cannot possibly get through the squeeze-point from one life phase to the next with all of our luggage and ask the question, “What must I let go o?f” we’ve tapped into the power of the Neutral Zone. Letting go is a powerful act in and of itself. What is made possible by the act of letting go is almost miraculous.
If there has been an ending in your life you can be assured that you have entered the process of transformation. The intensity of the emotions involved will be proportional to the expanse that must be traversed from the ending to the new beginning. Moving to an apartment across the hall or changing departments within the same company will require far less adjustment than moving to another country and hoping to find work once you get there.
Unplanned Transitions
Graduations/changes that are unplanned, like divorce, or losing a house to fire, or losing your health, job, family, or finances, will throw you into the intensity of the emotions of the Neutral Zone without warning. In those instances the letting go that is required is the internal attachment to the things lost in the physical reality. It takes time, but when you get there you will find great freedom.
Planned or not, big endings have a way of changing us at a core level. The emotions of the Neutral Zone can be excruciating. The vulnerability of being without a shell, without a skin, without a home, without a partner, while in the absolute stillness of the Neutral Zone is beyond the experience of most of us. The good news is: We get better at it!
The process of transformation cannot be rushed. AND the intense emotions of it won’t last forever. Life on the other side is bigger, better and more alive than you ever imagined. Yes, let your dreams take you to the corners of your smile - especially when you are in the nothingness of the Neutral Zone. It’s ok to hang out in the safety of the cocoon as you move through. Skipping and jumping and hopping will be back soon enough.
Read 'Transformation's Struggle' translated from the French version.
and/or
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www.FisherRebuilding.com.
From the Bookshelf
"The Way of Transition"
By William Bridges
The author couldn’t be more aptly named. Bridges has spent most of his life studying the process of transition. From personal to professional to corporate, he teaches us both of the power and the exasperation of the transition process. ‘The Way of Transition’ is his most recent book inspired by the death of his wife of 37 years, which taught him the process of transition in a deeper, more concrete and profound way.
One of my favorite sections is his illumination of the transitions involved in each of life’s stages, focusing especially on the wisdom of old age, which is gained solely by living out the transition process over and over again over a lifetime.
It’s been a long time since I’ve read a book that satisfied me like a good meal. I found this book deeply moving, very wise, and the source of great inspiration. I highly recommend it.