Life on the Learning Curve
I just watched the movie “At First Sight”. Based on a true story, Val Kilmer plays a thirty-something man, blind from age 1, who regains his sight through a cataract operation. After making the many adjustments to the life of a sighted person he again loses his sight. Many of his insights parallel Life’s journey of waking up to larger realities. I share some of those insights in the following article.
The Transformational Nature of Divorce
A rite of passage is an event that marks the end of one way of being and the beginning of another – such as childhood to adulthood. In our culture we have very few rites of passage. Obtaining a driver’s license is about as close as we get to acknowledging the transition to adulthood.
We don’t collectively acknowledge it as such, but divorce has become a rite of passage. It marks the end of one way of living, transitioning us to another. People are different on the other side of divorce. The ways in which we are different depends upon on how we structure the divorce experience. There are two basic possibilities: One is to become more alert, awake and aware; the other is to remain stuck, bitter and angry. I regularly see both. As in most things in life the choices are rooted in either love and trust or fear.
All of life’s juxtapositions show up in divorce. Part of the reason it’s so darn hard is that they show up all at once: forgiveness/revenge, hanging on/letting go, learning from/lashing out, owning/blaming, staying stuck/finding the way, attachment to outcomes/release of expectations, faith/fear, scarcity/abundance, belief in your own abilities/being victimized by your circumstances. There are probably more. Each is a moment-by-moment choice leading to one of the two outcomes.
For many the rite of passage called divorce is the journey from blindness to sight – the journey from unconsciousness to awareness. So, what is consciousness exactly? Although hard to define, part of it is the ability to see what is required for the growth of the soul. If we use the list above, it is forgiveness, letting go, learning from, owning, finding the way, releasing expectations, faith, trusting abundance, and believing in our own abilities. Once we begin to see things this way and choose accordingly life takes on a whole new meaning.
Going from blindness to sight takes guts. In his character Kilmer says, “Seeing sucks. When I was blind I couldn’t see. Now I can see but I don’t know what I can see. I see things I don’t want to see.” Part of what we’d rather not see is the not-so-pretty and/or unworkable parts of ourselves and how we’ve lived. But in seeing we have options. Options provide for choices. And in choosing we are no longer victim to our circumstances. Wahoo!
Kilmer continued: “I think we live in darkness when we don’t really look at what is real about us, about others, about life. And when you see what’s real about yourself, you’ve seen a lot, and you don’t need eyes for that.” The journey of consciousness is a journey to the heart of the soul. It’s getting in touch with yourself at your core.
If you are at the edge of yourself in pain, frustration, or anger, take a look at where you might choose to forgive, let go, learn, own, find the way, have faith, trust in abundance and believe in your own abilities. Thus is the transformative nature of divorce.
From the Bookshelf
I don’t know about you but reading doesn’t interest me a whole lot in the summer. How about a movie instead? Here are a few: “At First Sight” (mentioned above) is great for the reasons I mentioned. “The Kid” (Disney with Bruce Wilis) brings an appreciation for doing our growth work early in life for the sake of a mid-life worth having. And for something really light-hearted try, “Pleasantville”. The process of waking up to reality, from going from blindness to sight, unconsciousness to consciousness can be likened to going from a world of black and white to one of living color. “Pleasantville” depicts that in a fun and playful way.
Tell us what YOU think. Is cohabitation the next evolutionary step for relationship? Or a disaster waiting to happen? Give us your comments at: www.FisherRebuilding.com.