The Attraction Principle

I would estimate that 90% of the single people I meet feel some sort of desperation to find another partner – either for a single date, or for a lifetime partnership…and for the most part they don't have any idea what they are looking for. As long as a potential date is warm, that's good enough. While that may be good enough for a single date, for anything longer than that it might be a good idea to have a few more prerequisites.

Have you started your list of desired partner attributes? Every single should be clear enough about what they want to list at least 5 non-negotiable requirements for a new relationship. A few things that usually make the list are:, loving, trustworthy, se*ually playful, financially responsible, good parent, sound health, tidy, and some version of spiritual. Let's take a minute right here so you can begin your list. Go ahead. I'll wait. List 20 things you want in a partner, at least 5 of which you know to be non-negotiable. (If you don't know what those are, let's talk.)

Now, take a look at your list. How many of those items would you say that you do, or that you are? Do you measure up to your own list? If you do, you understand what I mean when I say 'become the kind of person you want to attract'. Most folks are looking for some ideal 'out there'. But the truth is, it all begins with you. That's actually very good news since you can't do a thing about anything, or anyone, other than you, anyway.

The Law of Attraction is very real. Like attracts like on an energetic/essence level. (On a tangible-reality level opposites often attract, but that's a topic for another time.) You will attract that which you ARE, not that which you 'want'. Isn't it great news to know that you have control over something that has before been discouragingly ambiguous? Finding someone meaningful to date, or finding a life partner, doesn't have to be a crapshoot. It can also be strategic, and yes, fun and romantic, too.

I was talking to a friend recently who was disappointed that the women he'd been dating were not into commitment. Not more than 10 minutes later he told me that he didn't know if he should really be dating right now because he just wasn't ready to commit. Hmmmm. Wonder why he was attracting those particular women? He had to laugh when I pointed it out to him. We can learn a lot by asking, "How is the attraction principle playing out in my life?" (You might want to look at other life areas like work and money, also.)

What to do now?

Now that you have your list, choose 2 things you can begin immediately that will get you closer to becoming the kind of person you want to attract. Here are some ideas:

• If you want someone who is financially responsible, but you struggle to stay out of debt, how can you begin, today, to improve your financial picture?
• If you want someone who is spiritual, how might you begin, or deepen, your own spiritual practice?
• If you want someone who lives in integrity, try examining even the minutest places where you feel out of integrity, and set about changing them.

As you become these things yourself, your potential partner will be able to recognize you through the din. The word 'vibes' sounds pretty 60's but that's kind of how it works. The two of you will be on the same energetic playing field and be able to find each other.

If the fit isn't right

A lot of people will come and go during your quest for an appropriate partner. That's a good thing. That means you're going into it with your eyes wide open, being select, and not settling for less than what you truly want. Just remember that if it doesn't work out, that is, if you find out you're not compatible for a serious future, it isn't about being rejected - for either you or the other person. It's merely about finding a suitable match – for you. That's all. You wouldn't wear a hiking boot with a tennis shoe, would you? It's ok to put the hiking boot back in the closet while you continue to look for the tennis shoe. You don't have to throw it. You don't have to blame it. You don't have to feel stupid for having picked it up. It just wasn't right. When you date consciously, conscious endings come easily too.

I encourage you to stay in the process of refining your BEing all the while trusting that the Benevolent Universe will bring you what is right for you at just the right time. Coaching is a great way to get clear on your relationship values, set up a plan for becoming the person you want to BE, and to provide some accountability while you choose. Let me know if you want to explore.