FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

Why is this a non-dating seminar?

This is important for several reasons. No-dating:

• Allows you to be completely open, honest and vulnerable about your divorce experience and current struggles and needs
• Creates safety and rebuilds trust in the opposite sex on a completely new brother-sister-friendship basis
• Promotes the development of a successful singleness and completion of your own growth work before beginning to date again

What if my ex wants to take the same class?

We do not allow both parties to a divorce to be in the same class. It is important for each of you to have your own support system. Classes are scheduled regularly and he or she is welcome to take the seminar at a future date. Some folks have found ongoing family negotiations easier when both spouses participated in the seminar. Each has a better understanding of the other's experience of the marriage and the divorce, and are not so easily triggered and afraid because they have ongoing support from their own class/community.

Can I take the class even if I'm not divorced?

Absolutely. Many, many people who participate in the Seminar are still married. Some have not entered the divorce process at all. Some are in the middle of it. Some have been divorced for several years. Although unusual, there have been cases where one spouse took the Seminar and then reconciled with their partner. "Divorce" recovery is not just for the divorced. People in the class range from those who are suffering after a broken engagement, to those who have been married 40+ years, to those who have been widowed. It doesn't matter who ended the relationship, either. Transformational Divorce addresses the emotions and viewpoints of both the Initiator and the Receiver.

More than once I've heard someone say that if they'd known, while married, what they learned in the Seminar their marriage would have gone a lot better. The Seminar tends to meet people right where they are.

What if I don't want to share?

Sharing is completely optional. We have found however, that there are very few divorced people who do not want to talk about their experience. Talking helps. It helps to know there are others going through the same things that you are. The sharing is part of what makes divorce recovery so successful. Sharing your story and insights is hugely beneficial to others in the class as well. We will encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity, but you will never be required to share.

What about confidentiality?

What is shared in the Seminar stays in the Seminar. We take time at the beginning of each Seminar to create a confidentiality agreement that everyone agrees to. Confidentiality is part of creating a safe place for healing and growth to take place. Your fellow participants will become friends, and friends are careful with the hearts of those they care about.

What if I can't afford it?

Funds are often tight for divorcing people. Talk to the Facilitator about your needs. Payment plans are always considered and there are often discounts available. AND, even before all that, consider how high on your priority list you've placed your own well-being. If you were in a car wreck and needed medical care you'd find a way to get it. Divorce is an emotional car wreck. You need special care at this time. "I can't afford it" can be just another way of saying, "I'm not worth it." Make sure you've put yourself on the priority list. See the registration page for discounts and payment options.

How do the social activities work?

One of the volunteers acts as our Activities Coordinator lining up meaningful activities outside of class time. Activities can be things like bowling, pot lucks, dancing, hiking, snowshoeing, scuba diving, bike rides, eating out, runs, viewing holiday lights, zoo visits, museum events, movie night, and other suggestions given by participants. Both kid-friendly and adults-only events are scheduled to meet both those important needs. You are not required to attend any social events; we make them available because they are a big part of your recovery and new life design. We encourage you to take advantage of them.

Is there homework?

There is always reading homework from the 'Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends' text book. Most people look forward to this reading and get a lot out of it. There is often experiential homework, also. Just like in school, the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. To assure that you can fully participate during class time you will want to do your best to complete your homework.

Your syllabus includes other suggested reading that you can do on your own time, even after class ends, as you desire.

Can my children come?

There are no accommodations for children at the Seminar. You will need to arrange your own child care. As far as social activities, some will be kid friendly and some will be for adults only. We encourage you to suggest activities that are meaningful to you and your family. The volunteer Activities Coordinator will be glad to implement any ideas that are feasible.

At a variety of points in the seminar we will talk about how divorce impacts the children and how you can best help.

What if I miss a session?

Since you are pre-paying for class as a whole, any sessions that you miss may be made up during a future Seminar. We have found a direct correlation between the number of sessions attended and the amount of recovery gained as calculated by the FDAS test. Missing one session doesn't seem to hamper too awfully much. Missing 2, and especially 3 sessions, does hamper multiplicatively. Do yourself a favor and plan on taking the Seminar when your schedule allows you to attend at least 8 of the 10 sessions. After the first few classes, when you have gotten into the rhythmn, you won't want to miss a session because you will feel so much better afterwards.

For any other questions, please email or call. Contact info is below.