I know what I want.

	I have a clear vision for my life and relationship. I can envision my perfect life in rich detail that feels strong, very real, and keeps me motivated.
	I know who I am but I’m not sure what I want in a relationship. I don’t know my relational needs, wants and requirements.
	I don’t know who I am or what I want in a relationship.

I know my requirements.

	I have a written list of at least ten non-negotiable requirements that I use for screening potential partners. I am clear that if any are missing, a relationship will not work for me.
	I have an idea of what I want in a partner but writing down and sticking to my requirements feels too picky and limiting.
	What requirements? I have no idea what I want in a relationship.

I am happy and successful being single.

	I enjoy my life, my work, my family, my friends and my own company. I am living the life that I want and am not seeking a relationship out of desperation or need.
	I still have occasional bouts with loneliness but mostly I am ok being alone. I sure would like to have a special someone in my life to make it more complete.
	I hate being single. I feel like a nobody without a partner. I want to get into a relationship as soon as I can.

I am ready and available for commitment.

	I have no emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship. My schedule, commitments, and lifestyle are such that I am free to build a new relationship.
	I’m married but we’ve been emotionally divorced for a while so it’s really not any different than really being divorced.
	I’m still legally, emotionally, or financially bound to another person and cannot commit to a relationship right now. I am in a state of transition in one or more of those areas.

I am satisfied with my work/career.

	My work is fulfilling, supports my lifestyle, and does not interfere with my availability for a new relationship.
	I am in transition with my work/career. I know what I want to do, and know it’s going to take a lot of my energy to do it.
	Many things about my work and career are up in the air right now. I am totally consumed with getting my work life in order.

I am healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

	My physical, mental or emotional health does not interfere with having the life and relationship I want. I am reasonably happy and feel good.
	I am physically and/or mentally tired a lot. I need to put some effort into improving my health.
	I am physically and/or emotionally drained and depressed. I believe this depression would go away if I just had somebody to love me.

My financial and legal business is handled.

	I have no financial or legal issues that would interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.
	I have some legal and/or financial problems, but I don’t think they will interfere with me being in a relationship.
	My finances aren’t really my own. I have considerable debt and/or I am financially obligated to another person

My family relationships are functional

	My relationships with my children, ex, siblings, parents and extended family do not interfere with having the life and relationship that I want.
	My family relationships are ok but could be better. I should be putting some energy into those before I pursue a relationship.
	My family relationships are broken and hurting and/or disconnected. They could really get in the way of me having a good romantic relationship right now.

I have effective dating skills.

	I initiate contact with people I want to meet and disengage from people who are not a match for me. I keep my physical and emotional boundaries, and balance my heart and my head with potential partners.
	I’m a good catch. If I just trust, Mr. or Ms Right will come along. My soul mate is out there somewhere. Hope I find them some day.
	I don’t understand dating at all. It seems pretty scary.

I have effective relationship skills.

	I understand relationships, can maintain closeness and intimacy, communicate authentically and assertively, negotiate differences positively, allow myself to trust and be vulnerable, and can give and receive love without emotional barriers.
	I know more about relationships than I used to but they are still mostly a mystery to me. I would like to know a lot more about creating good relationships than I do now.
	I feel like a relational failure. I’m starting from ground zero in my learning curve.

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