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Our Past Newsletters

"Divorce Has a Zillion ‘Shoulds’" - “I should”. We say it to ourselves; we say it to others. The very word reveals that there is a standard in my head somewhere that I believe either I, or somebody else, should be living up to. There is an inherent problem with entertaining ‘shoulds’. Shoulds and oughts have no power in and of themselves to accomplish anything.

"The Art of Collaboration" - What do you need to part ways ethically, honorably, with your pride intact, and your family as whole as it can be given the circumstances? That is collaborative divorce. Collaborative divorce is doing what it takes to separate hearts, families and memories gently with as little damage as possible.

"The Transformational Nature of Divorce" - Going from blindness to sight takes guts. Seeing can be hard, but when you can see options then you can choose. When you can choose you are no longer a victim to your circumstances.

If you are at the edge of yourself in pain, frustration, or anger, take a look at where you might choose to forgive, let go, learn, own, find the way, have faith, trust in abundance and believe in your own abilities. Thus is the transformative nature of divorce.

"Cohabitation" - Fifty years ago, living together outside of marriage was unheard of. Today, over half of all first marriages begin with the couple living together first. For many, marriage has become a frail and outdated institution in need of upgrading to a more contemporary approach. But is the new solution any better than the old?

"Transitions – The Path to Authenticity" - If there has been an ending in your life you can be assured that you are in the process of transformation. The intensity of the emotions involved will be proportional to the depth of the expanse that must be traversed from the ending to the new beginning.

Planned or not, big endings have a way of changing us at a core level. The emotions that go along with all of the redesigning can be excruciating. The vulnerability of being without a shell, without a skin, without a home, without a partner, while in the dormancy of the Neutral Zone is often more than we think we can bear.

"The Value of Wandering" - With my one-burner stove, one spoon, one fork and one knife, a few pans, a cooler of food, and a bed roll I headed west to parts unknown…. to wander. I came back with new eyes and renewed perspective. I thought much about the value of wandering while I was away…

"Perspectives" - Perspectives are everywhere. If you’ve ever taken a camera out for a walk you know that the slightest shift in angle or light makes way for a whole new picture. So it is in life and relationships. The tiniest bit of new information can make a situation look entirely different. Simply stated a perspective is another way of looking at things, a different viewpoint.

"Your Relational Seasons" - Seasons. All of life – from plants, to animals, to the earth itself, to our own personal growth – has its seasons. As we begin to watch the dance of the seasons for 2008, it’s a great time to ponder the growth season we find ourselves in…. including the season for relationship readiness. Take our Relationship Readiness Quiz to find out where YOU are.

"Authentic Living" – Relating from the authentic self, instead of a version of, or a projected image of yourself is imperative for good relationships with some longevity to them. Being what you think someone else wants is the get rich quick scheme of relationship. It may bring satisfaction in the short term but is usually of poor quality and temporal. Authenticity is solid.

"Bringing in 2008" – 2007 is over now. 2008 stands beckoning. Who you are is always changing. Every person you meet, every book you read, every conversation you have has the ability to redefine you. You can use the New Year as a gateway to consciously choose the learning/experiences you want to bring forward into 2008, and leave behind, forever, the things that belong in the past.

"On Your Own for the Holidays?" – This newsletter is specifically directed to those who find themselves feeling alone during the holidays - for whatever reason. Using words like "dancing, breezing, or gliding" through the holidays, rather than "surviving, overcoming, or remaining sane" will re-frame the holidays in a positive way. Design the holidays in a way that make sense to YOU!

"The Gift of Conflict" – Conflict is a gift. It isn't about assigning blame, fixing a "problem", or figuring out who is doing what to whom, but instead points to something wanting to happen in the relationship. The relationship itself wants to get bigger in some way. Conflict can catapult a relationship to a higher level of cooperation and aliveness. Consider it the growing pains of a healthy relationship.

"The Big Red X" – Some folks are downright dangerous to the heart. Why can't we just label them? In lieu of that, let's get ourselves educated about those Red X behaviors and avoid the heartache.

"The Honeymoon is Over" – Buying a home is a huge investment. So is committing to another human. Getting rid of either if it's a lemon is complicated. It's important to do enough homework upfront so that there are minimal surprises. What if we applied the same criteria we use for home buying to choosing a relationship partner?

"The Purpose of Purpose" – Divorce recovery is about turning relationship loss into a transformative experience. This is a great time to explore your purpose - before jumping into another relationship. Have you taken the time to get to know your own heart's desires the same way you would pursue the heart of another?

"Boundaries" – This is the second of two-part series about boundaries. Last issue we defined boundaries, took a look at what they do for us, what we gain by having good boundaries and what we subject ourselves to when we have poor boundaries. In this issue we will talk about different kinds of boundaries and how we can apply them to different situations for best results.

"Boundaries" – This article is the first of a series of two articles on Boundaries. In this first article we learn what a boundary is and the important role they play in relationships. Next month we'll learn of 4 different types of boundaries we can use in our relationships to both create love, and to protect it.

"Adults Negotiate" – The fourth of a four-part series discussing the adaptation strategies we use as little people to get the love we need to grow. Adults negotiate. They don't manipulate, control or play games, but find the common ground from which both can work. "Listen" in as two children, a child and a critical parent, and then two adults plan their vacation.

"Did I Marry a Child or a Grownup?" – The third of a four-part series discussing the adaptation strategies we use as little people to get the love we need to grow, and how they may undermine love if brought into adult romantic relationships in an unconscious way. This article looks at the two sides of child behavior.

"The Parent Within - Two Sides of the Coin" – The second of a four-part series discussing the adaptation strategies we use as little people to get the love we need to grow, and how they may undermine love if brought into adult romantic relationships in an unconscious way. From Session Two of the Fisher Divorce Recovery Seminar.

"Everywhere I Go, There I Am" – The first of a four-part series discussing the adaptation strategies we use as little people to get the love we need to grow, and how they undermine love when brought into adult romantic relationships. Lessons from the Fisher Divorce Recovery Seminars.

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